Let's Ask Violet

Accepting the Friend Zone

There are a lot of people in the friend zone.  I can understand why people would want to leave it, however what’s wrong with just being a person’s friend?  Being someone’s friend is never a bad thing.  It means that they like you enough to keep you around.  That trust that a friend has with another is stronger than that of someone you date.

The connotation that the friend zone is a bad thing is just something I don’t get.  So that person doesn’t want to date you.  So what?  They still want to be your friend.  If this person makes you happy, what’s wrong with accepting being their friend?  This way you get to make them happy as well.  If you’re only friends with someone with the hope of someday dating them, then you’re not being a good friend.  You have a motive that’s driving you.  That’s not nice, and it’s unfair to the person you like as well.

Think about it this way.  You have a friend.  A really close friend.  One whom you trust implicitly.  Suddenly they tell you that they love you.  You don’t feel the same, so you tell them that you don’t have the same feelings, to be fair to them.  They tell you to piss off because you won’t date them.

How would you feel if you found out that your best friend had an ulterior motive to being your friend?  Pretty crappy I’ll bet.

I know that I’ve been friend zoned more than once in my life.  I never really took that as a bad thing.  Yes, it made me sad because I’ve wanted to date them, but at the same time, I’m glad I didn’t lose a friend because of my feelings.  Just because that someone won’t date you doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  If they reject your friendship afterwards as well, then they weren’t really your friends to begin with.

Really it should be a win-win scenario.  If you tell them that you love them, and they love you too, congrats, you just got a relationship.  If you tell them that you love them and they say that they don’t feel the same, but still want to be friends, then congrats, you maintained your friendship.  Losing a friend is worse than losing a potential partner.

All in all, if you’re in the friend zone, don’t be upset.  It’s actually a good thing.  That person you love, may not love you the exact same way, but they do love you.  They trust you with their problems above everyone else.  They know that they can count on you to help them through any situation.  They know you’ll support them If they’re in trouble, they know exactly who to call.

Be their friend.  They love you for who you are.

Anonymous asked:

Dear Violet, my brother is going through a really tough time. He has an ask tumblr and for a while he’s been getting questions consistantly, until he found out that all of his questions were coming from one person. It seems kinda obvious in hindsight, but I can’t make fun of him. Is there anything I can say to him to make him feel better despite him finding out that all the response to his hard work are completely false?

Violet responded:

Tell him not to give up.  Sure it may be all one person asking questions, but at least someone’s asking.  It takes time to build up a fanbase, and even longer for those people in the fanbase to even start getting involved in your stuff.

Plus, the more posts you put up, the more likely someone else will see them, and then real people will start to ask questions.

Someone will notice the effort. Just keep trying.

Anonymous asked:

Violet, I’m have an issue. I have a fanbase, and I recently went under a bit of a costume change. I used to have an odd colored hairstye and wacky clothes, but I decided to dress like a normal human being. A lot of people don’t like it and I don’t understand why. I’m the same person I always was except my hair is black now. What should I do?

Violet replies:

Well did you give a reason in the context of the media you were doing for the costume change?  Fanbases are a little strange where they need a constant pattern of things that happen, and if something changes for no reason, then they complain.  Let’s take someone like the Angry Video Game Nerd for example.  He has a very set costume for his character.  If he were to dress up as someone else, like if he was dressed up as the Nostalgia Critic or something, for no reason, then people would be very mad at him.

Maybe giving an explanation in the context of the thing you’re doing, even if it’s late in the game, then it might help.  Heck, you might even be able to get away with a time-traveling bit if you play it right.

Have your own question for Violet?  Head on over to http://eyesofviolet13.tumblr.com/ and ask her a question!