I’m no stranger to bullying.  When I was younger, it was unfortunately what I had to go through.  I didn’t understand it, all I wanted was to be friends with everyone.  But because I was different, because I had an opinion, because I was the tallest kid in the class, because I wouldn’t abandon my only friend, I was a subject to be ridiculed.

It was kind of dumb too.  People would challenge me to fights, they would call me names, tell me that they hate me and I should go die.  Who does that?  Who does that to an 8 year old?  Who tells an 8 year old to go die?  Who tells anyone to go die?

The one thing that I learned about bullying is that all it does is breed more hate.  Sometimes it’s hate for others, and the victim turns into the bully.  Sometimes it’s hate for yourself, because you couldn’t match their expectations of you, and you take that as an opinion of yourself.

I’ve seen it happen too.  I’ve seen bullying happen for the dumbest of reasons.  People getting bullied because of their gender choices, because they were the victim of something, because of the clothes they wear, because of the people they like, because of what their hair looks like, because they want to help others, because they want to succeed at something.

Why would any of these things be the cause of bullying?  Why would wanting to recover from an incident cause others to immediately put them down?  Why would someone wanting to express themselves in a way that makes them comfortable be the cause of ridicule?  Why would wanting to do the thing that you love be something to destroy by other people?

The simple answer would be because someone else did it to them too.  The simple answer isn’t wrong, but the simple answer needs to be longer.

All that bullying does is breed more hate.  When you take out your emotions on someone else, you’re lashing out at them.  Most people don’t understand the power behind their words.  Most people don’t understand that one wrong word or sentence can send someone else into a spiralling depression.  Most people don’t know that what they feel when someone else is attacking them that it’s not their fault.  Most people don’t know that the feelings of sadness and loneliness that they feel only spreads to those that they hurt.  Sometimes, most people are so blinded by the fact that they’re hurt that they don’t see that they’re hurting someone else.

Some people maybe enjoy that.  Some people maybe want to see others hurt.  I don’t understand why, I’ve been at the point where sadness envelopes you.  I would never wish that upon anyone else, and I will never understand the people who enjoy others in pain.

One thing that I never did was confront my bullies.  If they challenged me to a fight, I would defend myself, but I would never attack first.  If they called me names, I would shut the world out and draw.  If they made fun of the fact that I was always with my best friend and call us lesbians, I would just hold her hand more and we would go talk elsewhere.  But I do wish that I had told someone about my feelings sooner.  Maybe then it wouldn’t have been so hard.

For years I hated those memories.  For years I was hurt, and I hated myself for feeling so weak and helpless.  I believed the things they said about me, that I deserved to die.

But then I realized that they were wrong.  I didn’t deserve to die.  I had to learn to love myself, and tell myself that it’s ok to work towards something that I wanted to do.  I learned that there was so much more in the world that I had to do, and no on is going to hold me back.

So to those who were my bullies, to those who tried to beat me down:

I forgive you.

Whatever your choices in life are, I hope that you’ll hear these last words:

Bullying breeds more hate, but the hate stops with you.

The reason why I’m writing this is because Justin Carmical, aka JewWario amongst his fans, took his own life on Thursday, January 23rd, 2014.   I didn’t know him personally, I actually wouldn’t even call myself a fan of his work only because I never took the time to actually watch his videos, and I’ve only met the man once in person at a convention about half a year ago.  From what I have seen of him, he was always someone people could rely on, and he always took the time to make everyone laugh.  He had many fans, and friends, and he was greatly loved.

Even though I never knew him personally, I just…hearing about his death got me thinking.

I’m no psychiatrist, or a therapist, I’m just someone who gives advice.  A lot of the advice that I give out is because of personal experience, and I’d like to think that at least one person who asks for my advice will avoid the things I had to go through.  How does this relate to JewWario?

At one point in my life, I had such dark thoughts cross my mind, ones where I thought it would be best if I no longer existed.  Thankfully, these are not recent thoughts, but they were definitely on my mind at one point or another.  And honestly, it was because I thought no one cared about me, and I couldn’t see anything beyond that.  I regret not talking about such things to someone, because I really feel like I would’ve benefited from talking to someone.  But I didn’t.  I was different in a world where being different was the absolute worst, and I didn’t want to be in that world.

The problem was, I was silently suffering as the years went on, being bullied, trying to conform, giving up on conforming and just trying to live to the next day.  I would surround myself with tv shows and anime so I could at least pretend that I was somewhere else, even just for a little while.

I thank my mother for noticing my suffering, whether she knew about how bad it was or not, because she introduced me into my ticket out of that world: my high school.

I thank my friends and family for helping me getting into Cawthra Park Secondary School, because I couldn’t bear to live four more years with people who hated me.

I thank my high school friends and teachers for taking the time to make me feel like I was worth something.  Regardless of the highs and lows we had in high school, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because they helped save me.

Since high school, I moved on.  I learned that suicide doesn’t have to be the only option to stop feeling pain.  In my opinion, suicide is a selfish act, because really all you’re doing is depriving the world of you.  Family, friends, loved ones, they need you just as much as you need them.

I’m not condemning JewWario for his decision, far from it.  I’m just sad that he couldn’t find another answer for his problems.  Mind you, I don’t know exactly what kind of situation he was going through, I can only speculate.  But the one thing I do know is the thoughts.  I know the thoughts that go through your mind when it happens.  Thinking that you can’t get out, that you’re stuck, that everything would be better if you just weren’t there anymore, that you just can’t live one more day with these thoughts.

I could go on a speech about how “you should live your life to the fullest” and blah blah blah, but I won’t.  All I can say is this:  I won’t stop.  If I get stuck, I’m going to push through.  If I hit a wall, I’ll break it down.  I have dreams and hopes and wishes, and the only thing that is going to stop me is myself, and I’m not letting that happen anymore.  Why?  Because I can.  Because I have people who helped push me out from those thoughts.  Because I have people who I don’t want to see cry for my sake.  Because I want to spend every day laughing and making other people laugh.

Suicide shouldn’t be an answer to anything.  For me, suicide isn’t an option anymore.  I can’t stop anyone else from trying to take their own life, nor is that my job.  If someone asks me what to do, I’m sending them a list of phone numbers that they should call, because they are the professionals.

Taking one more day to talk to someone about your thoughts isn’t a bad thing.  It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, a nobody or someone famous, an artist or a critic, one more day may save your life.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Justin Carmical’s family and friends, because I can only imagine what they are going through right now.  It may not be much, but it’s all I can give to you right now.

Well as you may know from reading the comic, I am a big fan of Dungeons and Dragons.  I grew up watching my dad and his friends playing the game in our basement for as long as I can remember, and I always wanted to be a part of that kind of game.  I was a pretty imaginative kid, and I loved fantasy settings.  So, when I was 13, my dad finally introduced us to Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (which is version 2 for those who have no idea about AD&D).

I can still remember my first character, and actually I’ve kept her around a lot to this day.  This was coming right off the coat tails of watching the Lord of the Rings, a movie I had been waiting to come out into a live action movie pretty much all my life.  I made a halfling rogue named Starbuks.  Granted, I sucked at being a rogue at the time, mostly because I never read the rules and just went along with what my dad was telling me, but she’s always been one of my favourite characters to play as.  Hell, when 3rd Edition came out, I converted her to the best of my ability.  And even after I retired her, I still put her into my own campaigns.

When given the chance, I always play Starbuks, even when playing a new system entirely.  It may not be “the halfling rogue Starbuks”, but it’s still essentially the same character that I play.  A lot of the time, I’ll bring her out just so I can test a new group or new players, because she’s always the easiest to role play for me.  I love her to bits, and she’s the reason why I play Dungeons and Dragons.

Lord of the Rings has been an essential part of my life, mostly because my dad is a colossal nerd, to the point where my middle name is actually Éowyn.  And for the most part, it has dictated who I grew up to be, Éowyn showing me that I should be a strong woman who doesn’t take no for an answer, and Sam showing me that friendship and determination is stronger than anything.

My dad would read to me Lord of the Rings when I was younger, and I read the series over and over and over again throughout my life.  I don’t remember quotes too often, just the ones that hit me personally.  I remember watching the Hobbit and the Animated Lord of the Rings movies throughout my childhood, and they were one of the greatest parts of it.  Which would probably explain why I was so weird back in grade school, but that’s for another time.

That being said, I keep getting mixed reactions to my middle name.  Before the live action movies came out, people mistook my middle name for Edwin, which was frightfully annoying since I am very much a woman.  Hell, my baptism certificate says Samantha Edwin Limberger.  For some reason, they didn’t think it was important to actually get the spelling for my middle name.

A lot of kids made fun of me, because they didn’t know who the heck Éowyn was, or what she represented.  Then after the live action movies came out, that’s when people got confused.  Some people thought it was the greatest thing of all time.  Others thought that I was a freak.  A lot of people still said “what does Éowyn come from?”, and then when I explained it, they looked at me and went “But she’s not a real character”.

Yeah, that was annoying, but honestly, I like my middle name, and I like the fact that I can relate to both Éowyn and Sam as my role models.

Over the course of my life, I still learn new things from that series.  I don’t know why it resonates with me so well, but I’m glad that it exists, and that it was such a big impact on my life.

Anonymous asked:

my girlfriend of 3 months and I Are going through a rough time right now. I got switched to a different school but I still go to my old school everyday during 6th period to help and see her. But lately she’s been really upset but she won’t tell me why and then all of a sudden she starts yelling at me. And I said I can’t wait to see you or I say I miss you and she immediately changes the subject please help me, I love her way to much to lose her, I know it’s only 3 months but I fell 4 for her.

Violet responded:

Long distance relationships are tough.  If you know somethings wrong the worst thing you can do is let it fester.  You need to confront her and figure it out.  Communication is the best thing you can do for her right now.

If it turns out for the worst, then there’s really nothing you can do about it.  Just sit her down face to face and try and talk about it.  Say that you want to help with whatever it is, and it doesn’t matter if it’s going to hurt you, as long as she’s ok.  You just want to make sure that she’s happy.

I hope everything works out for you.

Have your own question for Violet?  Head on over to eyesofviolet13.tumblr.com and ask your own question!

Anonymous asked:

Hey violet i was just wondering , how could i establish a friendship with my ex after a semi bad breakup that happened in January that was mostly my fault … because i do want him in my life and i would hope to eventually get back together with him ? but i dont know what to do . or the steps i should take . .

Violet responded:

I’m warning you right now, this is not a sure fire way of getting him to be your friend.  This is my way of trying to make friends with my ex’s, so if it doesn’t work, then you might want to modify it a bit.  However, making friends with your ex is always a hard thing to do, especially from a bad break-up.  Normally if you have the intentions to be friends with your ex, a nice break-up is a better thing to start off with. So you might have your work cut out for you.

First of all, give yourself a couple more months before talking to him.  You want to make sure that he’s given enough time to cool down from the break up.

This next part is going to take a while.  If you have hopes that you would eventually get back together, this is going to take even longer.  Send him a small text, just asking how he is and that you were thinking of him.  Don’t ask him if he still loves you, don’t push him to talk to you.  He might answer, or he might not.  You won’t know for sure until you do.  If he doesn’t want to talk to you, then let him be.

From there, if he does talk to you, then slowly just make small talk until he’s comfortable talking to you normally again.  Take your time between talking to him though, because if you smother him then he won’t want to talk to you.  Try talking once a week just to see if things are ok, but don’t try to force your way back into his life.

Once you guys have talked for a couple of months, try meeting up with him just to hang out.  You guys can go get lunch or something, just to see if you guys are ok to hang out.

The trick is your intention has to be that you want to be their friend, not get back together.  If you focus too much on getting him back, then it won’t work.  You know how when some people get married they say that they married their best friend?  That’s what you have to aim for; being their best friend.  Getting back together should be an afterthought.

Be patient, and take your time before doing anything rash.  This is a hard road to go down, but you have to try hard and hope for the best.

Have your own question for Violet?  Head on over to eyesofviolet13.tumblr.com and ask your own questions!

Anonymous asked:

I’m a senior and im going to college with my bf next year. We had a great relationship, but recently, we’ve been fighting alot. I feel like he purposely tries to dislike the things I like, such as my Friends and that he tries to make me feel stupid. When I bring an issue up with him he talks me around until I’m the one who feels bad and apologizes. I feel trapped because I love him so much when he is telling me how much he loves me but when he is stressed, he takes it out on me. What should Ido?

Violet responded:

I normally don’t tell people this, but maybe you guys need to take a break from each other.

I personally don’t believe that “breaks” in a relationship are a good thing, but recently I’m discovering that it’s not as bad as I thought. Although it might be a good idea to set the parameters of the break first before saying you should do it.

Sometimes the stress of having a relationship is a little much to handle, especially when school is involved.  Taking a break might help you with the relationship part of it.  Mind you, when you suggest it, be careful to remind them that you love them, and you want this to work, but there’s some obvious stress that needs to be sorted out before you guys can continue.

You can only be the best you can be.  If he starts talking around you, bring it back to the matter at hand.  You shouldn’t have to apologize if you’re bringing up an issue with the relationship.  Also, if he starts to vent at you, tell him you don’t want to be a shoulder to cry on, because you’re way more than just that.  You shouldn’t have to shoulder his problems when he’s upset.

Hopefully this will help.  Good luck.

Have your own question for Violet?  Head on over to eyesofviolete13.tumblr.com and ask your own question!

Anonymous asked:

Hi Violet, Basically I’m having some real bad relationship problems and I dunno what to do :/ I’m in the popular group at school and so is this boy, but he’s a complete man whore and loves to have sex with all the slags. Unfortunately he’s never looked at me in that way as I’m a uk size18 so I don’t think I fit his category. He’s also a bit of a bad boy and I’m really attracted to that. He’s also drop dead gorgeous! He can be real horrible though but I know at heart he’s a softly. but I had this party and he made the effort to come, but he just kissed loads of girls and when I got drunk i let my emotions out and told him all about my depression, self harm etc and he completely accepted me for it. Also on New Year’s Eve we shared a New Years kiss but omg I dunno what it is about him but I get such bad butterflies I actually puke. I’ve had this huge crush on him for about 3 months now and it’s killing me please help What do I do?!

Violet responded:

Well you have to ask yourself, do you really want a bad boy for a boyfriend?

You know that this guy sleeps around a lot, and you know that he’s probably not going to treat any girlfriend he has very well.  So do you really want that for a boyfriend?  He may be a softy at heart, but is that enough to go on for a relationship?

My advice would really to look for another guy.  This one may be good for eye candy, but it’s best to find someone who would treat you right rather than one that will make you look good.

Again, just because he made the effort to come, doesn’t mean that he’s the better person for you.  It’s good that he accepts you for you, but do you really want someone with such a reputation for a boyfriend?

If you really want a relationship with him, then go for it because who am I to deny what your heart wants.

I’m just saying that there are warning bells, and it’s sometimes better to listen to those.

Have your own question for Violet?  Head on over to eyesofviolet13.tumblr.com and ask your own question!

Anonymous asked:

I’ll try to explain this shortly.  I was talking to/ dating a guy back in December, and he was going to as me to be his girlfriend but his parents wouldn’t let him have a girlfriend because they “distract him from what’s important”.  Well, he made it really apparent that he still wanted to be friends, so I kept texting him but it got to where I was always starting the conversations and he was always ending them.  So now we pretty much only talk at school, but it’s not really awkward anymore and we’re just friends again, but I still like him and want another try with him.  I talked to our mutual friend who said he told her everything.  She said that he wasn’t talking to me because he didn’t want to lead me on when he couldn’t do anything about it.  But then a few days later she said she was pretty sure his parents didn’t care if he had a girlfriend anymore.  So I’m pretty sure any feelings he had for me are gone now, but I’d really like something to work with him…

Violet responded:

Anonymous asked:

The guy i like, likes me back, and he wants to go out. We have been texting for weeks and he said i was the only girl he cared about. But then i saw on instagram he ccalled this one girl flawless and then said i love you to her. Now at school he acts like nothings wrong. I dont know what to do anymore. Advice please?

Violet responded:

Is instagram the new Facebook?  Just seems like it…

A lot of the time, people act differently online.  Sometimes it’s because it’s easier to act different online.  Some people are flirts online.  Some people just sit and watch and never comment on anything.  Some people just comment on everything hoping that someone will pay attention to them.

If it really bothers you, then talk to him about it.  Don’t make it into a fight, but tell him that it does concern you, and that if he wants to be with you, he could be a little more considerate towards your feelings.

And make sure you talk to him face to face.  Don’t send this over a text message.

Have your own questions for Violet?  Head on over to eyesofviolet13.tumblr.com and ask your own question!