I really had to think about this over the course of my life. Mostly because I think that this stage of my life kind of came earlier than I expected for me. When I was younger, I wasn’t liked very much and had a lot of people who would make fun of me on a daily basis. I didn’t really understand why though. From my perspective, I tried to fit in, and I tried to make friends, but the other kids didn’t understand my actions and thought me weird.
So I had to grow up and act mature to at least appeal to the adults in my life. I was lucky to have the friends that I did, so outside of school I could at least act like a kid. But in the end, everyone you talked to about me would always say that I was the mature one.
That was brought over into high school, where everyone thought of me as the motherly figure. If there was one thing people thought I was going to be when I grew up, it was always that I would be the best mother.
But to me…I never really felt like I had grown up. I always felt that I was just missing something that would make me an adult. I try and act the mature one at times, but right now…I’m legally an adult, I make adult choices in my life, however it’s still a struggle to get myself started in life and become a full adult. I’m not a teenager anymore, but it still feels like some things that I do are still childish. I try my best, no doubt, but it still feels difficult to try and express myself in an adult way. Sometimes I don’t even know if I know how to be an adult.
Although that always confused me, since I’ve seen adults act more childish than some kids that I know. I don’t know if society really knows what it means to be an adult in this world either.
I really look up to my mother in this respect, because regardless of what other people say about her, she’s pretty much my ideal adult. She doesn’t take any flack from people that treat her wrongly, she’s always reliable, she always tries her best to be a good mom, and she does the best she can to live the way she thinks is best. It takes a very strong will to work out in this world and not have it break you. She still has her own dreams and hopes that she’s driving towards. And sometimes I think that I might be holding her back because I haven’t finished my transition into an adult yet.
I know that I still have some time before it’s time for me to leave the house, but at the same time, I worry it might not be enough.